App-i-licious!

If only life were like an iPhone, but with much better reception. Downloadable Life Apps at the touch of the button that could - VOILA - make life easier. Screaming kid? No problem, there's a Life App that painlessly jolts them into compliance. No chocolate stashed in the house? Tap, tap, tap and a downpour of M&M's befalls you. AT&T service missing bars, once again? One click and the bars are blasted larger than those conniving billboards of theirs.

Seriously, the iPhone apps are a beautiful thing. But honestly, as a semi-exhausted and busy mother, don't give myself time to download many of them. I dream of an iPhone app that searches and downloads the most appropriate apps for me and my life. Like, an App Butler. And so that would be my top item on my ever-growing app wish list.

But since I don’t see that happening soon, I’ve compiled a more plausible (maybe?) wish list of iPhone apps.

ParkNow – This application would find the closest parking spots. I spend way too much time trying to do this with two impatient kiddos in the backseat. While browsing, I did find out that the app called PrimoSpot does just that in the NYC area.

iScan – I’d love an app to be able to scan UPC codes as I walk through stores and then simply bill my account as I walk out of the store. I know that grocery stories have technology that exists for this, but I want it on my iPhone. No more staving my kids off from the candy in the checkout lane!

iPay - A one-touch app to pay all of my bills would be killer, and I don’t mean the current apps that simply display all of your accounts. No, I did “Tap this button to pay every single account that is due (or past due) right now”. One fell swoop would do the trick. Because, let’s face it: I don’t have time to figure out which bills are due and which aren’t and this simple task can take up an entire day. Ideally, before it paid the bills, the app would display your bank account balance beforehand.

VoxText – I know that some phones have the capability to transcribe a voice message to a text message. Pretty please, iPhone, come out with this feature. In the car, when my girls are yelling – ahem, singing – and a phone conversation is not to be had, I’d like to be able to send hands free text messages.

I’mLazy – This app would scan checks and deposit them instantly into your bank account. Listen, I know it sounds lazy and…well, it is, but I get a lot of checks for my business and that means I spend a lot of time and energy driving to the bank. And yes, I do use the drive-up feature so it’s not the most inconvenient task. But I’d love to not have to drive even .5 miles out of my way to get money into the bank. Is that too much to ask?

KidTube – iPhones already come with a built in YouTube app. But I need one that is much more simplified for my kids. What would be divine is a one touch app that includes all of the favorite kid-friendly videos that they can simply scroll through and tap once to play. Maybe THEN I could manage that extra trip to the bank.

Then, I have a short list of apps that I crave for my work as a labor doula. There are numerous apps out there for pregnant and laboring mothers, including contraction timer apps, breastfeeding apps that track feedings, and one that turns your iPhone into a baby monitor. But here would be my short wish list for apps I could use as a doula (while I don’t actually take vitals as a doula, these would be fun to have just in case):

TherMOMeter: A simple thermometer that could be held to the forehead to take a woman’s temperature. Incidentally, I found a fake one, called iSkip, that allows you to tell your phone how high you would like your “fake” temperate so that you can skip out of school or work.

UnderPressure: Another simple vital app that would measure and track blood pressure.

iDopp – This handy app would function as a hand held Doppler that could be used to monitor and track baby’s heart rate.

YesCer-vix – With just a zap of some harmless “laser”, this app could check a woman’s cervical dilation. Dudes, I’m totally kidding. Or maybe I’m not, because anything that could get people’s unnecessary hands out of there would leave me utterly blissed out. And it would make it much easier to get my clients to the hospital pushing, as most would prefer.

If one app (iDoula) could combine all four of these tools, as well as include a simple feature to where you could email results, I’d be one happy camper.

Um, Life Butler app? I’m ready for my wine, some clean sheets, and a fluffy pillow for my tired head. Oh, and children sleeping in their own beds, thank you very much.